Basically, some people are just better at things than others.
That's what coding makes you realise.
The number seven is the number seven.
If you call it the number eight, you don't actually make it the number eight,
you just embarrass yourself.
Likewise, men are better at invention than women.
Just a fact.
Now, this makes SJWs upset.
They think there's something wrong with the fact and they want to change it.
But go to a Google search and type in "she invents”
and it'll ask, "Did you mean he invents?"
Or it did until a year ago.
You want to know why there's an alt-right?
Because Google just changed its algorithm so the cucks wouldn't be offended
that men invent and women barely contribute to soci...
That's just one posting flagged as problematic by my moderators.
Here are...
4,758 more.
That's why I called you here today.
Oh, and also I wanted to see what my new Midwest law firm looked like.
We're glad to have you here, Mr. Gross.
Thanks, Diane. Not quite as many white faces as at my other law firms.
Um, I have a little gift for you guys.
Here you go.
Voila.
Uh, pass those around both directions.
He misspelled my name.
He's bringing in 86 million a year. I'll teach him how to spell your name.
Here is what I need. A term of service.
I have two sites that have become like the Wild West of racism and sexism.
My Facebook-like service Chummy Friends and, uh, Scabbit.
Here's a sample from that.
- "Great, it's..." - Black History Month.
Gives all those porch monkeys an excuse to be more annoying than usual.
I'm sure you'll be disgusted by what you find in here,
but it's not just bad, it's also hurting my business.
It scares off online advertising.
So, you want us to come up with a code in order to delete certain posts?
Yes, and which users should be banned.
Now, look, Diane, this is not something I have to worry about with the ACLU.
I own these services.
I can control them in any way...
I notice only eyes for Diane.
- Mm-hmm. - We got to talk to her.
- Make sure he's our client, too. - Mm.
And now here's the bad news for you.
Disney is threatening
to pull all of its advertising from my sites,
so I need a TOS by 5pm today.
Ooh, ooh. So, I hope no one needs to use the bathroom.
You know what, one last thing.
I love that this firm is African-American.
I look at all your faces and...
and I see hope.
So, we should probably split up into groups.
- No, let's divide up the posts. - Agreed. Everybody take a pile.
Uh, let's have racist posts here,
anti-Semitic right here, and at the end up there we'll have threatening posts.
Uh, we might need another pile.
- What? - "l would love to see you..."
dead, not because you're a feminist,
but because you're an enormous fucking bitch.
- Misogynistic posts here. - All righty. Let's get to it.
Dad, I've been working pretty hard lately, but, um, I'll try. I have to go.
It's just been two weeks. I don't know how long I'll be out on bail.
But the problem is, I'm an associate. I don't control my own fate.
Come by tonight. I'll make Irish coffees.
Okay. I will.
I really have to go now. Diane is calling me.
See you tonight.
"Don't you think we'd chop you up, too..."
- Stop. Read the whole thing again. - Okay.
"You're such a hypocrite. You'd..."
chop up baby parts and drop them in dumpsters.
Why didn't you think we wouldn't chop you up, too, and do the same?
It's politics. It's a political point of view.
No, it's a threat. He suggests he'll chop up the respondent.
No, he's saying why shouldn't he chop her up?
- He's pointing out the hypocrisy. - He clearly means it as intimidating.
The equivalent of me taking your political thinking to its logical conclusion.
If you don't treat an unborn baby as human,
then why don't we not treat you as human?
Okay, why don't we vote on this?
Excuse me. You're an associate. I'm the partner.
- Oh, come on. - Okay, wait, wait.
Let's compromise. Lucca, start a political pile.
- We'll decide on it later. - Then should we vote on this one?
Is this a threat?
- "Here's a..." - ...thought experiment.
If The Purge were real, who would you set out to rape?
For me, it'd be Zendaya.
Threat, clearly a threat.
Wait a second. He didn't actually threaten to rape her.
It seems to me he's talking about a movie.
- Are you seriously defending this? - No, I'm not defending this.
I'm making a legal distinction between a threat, a real threat,
and a crude, misogynistic comment.
You're saying the person has to say, "I want to rape you"?
The person has to say, "I am going to rape you."
Everything else is protected speech.
So, we can't do anything about it if the person writes, "l want to"
- instead of "I'm going to." - Actually, we can do anything we want.
Mr. Gross owns these sites.
He can legally set whatever terms he wants.
Yes, but the terms have to be fair.
Okay, so, here we go.
- "l want to..." - ...rape you.
I want to come to your house and ra...
If this were another century, I could fuck you until you bl...
The cucks could never admit to wanting to rape you.
These posts are all from the same person.
- Directed at the same person? - Yes. Ten posts about rape.
So, shouldn't that person be banned? It's not just about threats.
It's about continual harassment.
Well, isn't the problem here that we're thinking of censoring
based on sensitivities and not content?
Does that matter?
I think it does.
And if I'm attacked 50 times a day?
Then I sympathise with you,
but I don't think speech should be judged by those
who feel the most harmed.
- "I'm hoping they..." - ..find your address.
I hope they cut off your nipples and rape you in a pool of blood.
This is one of 50 posts sent to my account.
Uh, but that's about your parents' scandal, right?
My guess is yes,
but sometimes they're so busy discussing my rape
that they, uh, they don't have time to state their reasoning.
I think we should vote on banning users
who continually send harassing posts.
Here's the problem for us...
Yeah, but Mr. Gross wants us to come up with a code.
That's the bottom line. Otherwise, we're just filing papers.
Hey. What's up?
See you today.
What? I can't hear you.
I need to see you today at lunch. What colour panties are you wearing?
I don't know. I'm colour blind.
I was in a plea bargaining session when I realised
I sent someone to jail for 30 years because I hadn't gotten laid.
- You wanted to talk? - Uh, yeah,
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Four hours.
Sir, I just don't understand why we're undercutting
our most important case by letting the suspect out on bail.
Look at this salad. Are there any actually good salads?
Chinese chicken salad?
I mean, the cashews and oranges are good,
but the rest is just salad.
Sir, as important as this conversation is,
the most hated man in Illinois is out on bail.
Why are you so concerned about what Kresteva is doing?
Because I think he's hurting more important cases.
He's trying to save Illinois money on these police brutality cases.
So, if he makes Reddick/Boseman an example,
he scares off 20 other firms.
If he has to let this Henry Rindell guy out on bail to make his case, so be it.
Yes, sir.
Wait. This is what I can do.
You've just been made oversight head of...
Whatever. we'll figure out the title later.
I want you to supervise the Reddick/Boseman cases.
- What? Why? - Because you're obsessed.
I'm harnessing your obsession. Report back to me on their progress.
- Will I have veto power? - No. Oversight power.
- What is that? - It's like a drone without bombs.
Why is it that whenever I get a promotion,
I feel like I'm being demoted?
It's a good question. Tell me when you find out the answer.
Seriously, we can't ban every use of the N-word.
- Yes, you can. The only question is... - Mm-mm. No, no.
Every rap lyric on the planet would go out the window, Diane.
- What about Huckleberry Finn? - Yes, that would be unfortunate.
All those times Huckleberry Finnis quoted in tweets.
Here's the problem.
They did a study that showed that 50% of Twitter's misogyny
was perpetrated by women.
So, if we're banning misogynistic posts and racist posts...
Uh, wait, I read that study. It was bogus.
Yeah. It's like they just counted the words "slut" and "whore" as misogynistic.
Right, and a lot of the women used the word "slut" as in "slut-shaming.”
Which supports my contention.
- We need to be language neutral. - Yeah, but that's not what you said.
Yeah, I'm going.
Who is that?
I'm bored.
Teach me something.
Come on, seriously. Teach me how to do your job.
I could be an investigator.
What's that? Why are you doing that to the photos?
Measuring the distance between the shell casing and the body.
God, this one's grisly.
Have you ever seen a dead body in person?
Yes.
- How many? - Six.
I've seen 12.
Suicide bomb on a bus.
I got to the scene just afterwards. It's weird how normal it was.
- Can be. - Except for the kid.
There was a baby in a stroller.
Okay, what do you want to know?
- How do you become an investigator? - Get a licence.
I can't investigate unless I have a licence?
Well, you can, but you'll get caught.
That's what's killing initiative in this country. Everything needs a licence.
You can always assist a licenced investigator.
Like you?
No, no, that's not what I'm saying.
- But you said it. - No.
I said, in the abstract...
Um, Maia Rindell, please.
Yeah, she's in there. Hang on.
Are they American citizens?
- What? - Has your dad called you?
Why?
God, look at you. You hate me.
You're trying to destroy my dad. How should I look?
I'm not destroying Henry. I'm just trying to keep him from destroying me.
And you. I'm not the enemy here.
You turned evidence.
Because your dad was doing the same.
Okay, good.
We talked. We understand each other. You should go.
Your dad is gonna call you in the next day or two and ask you to meet him to talk.
Just the two of you.
He'll try to make it sound casual... drinks or something.
If he does that, say no.
- Why? - He'll be wearing a wire.
He'll try to get you to say something incriminating about me,
about this firm, maybe even about yourself.
Why do I trust you?
Because I'm your uncle, and I'm on your side.
My uncle, who is sleeping with my mom.
Is that what Lenore said?
I walked in on you two.
- I've got to get back to work. - Say no, Maia.
If your dad calls to talk to you, tell him you can't meet.
Yeah, ready?
Hold on. Whoa, whoa.
Hello?
Dad, uh... I've...
- I can't do tonight, sorry. - Oh. Why not?
- Work. - Then, maybe I'll come to you.
No, no.
Not tonight.
Let me see if I can arrange another night.
Maia, please, we need to talk.
- Tell me on the phone. - No, it's better if we do it in person.
Tomorrow night.
Let me see what I can do.
Love you.
You know what the worry is. Our rules are gonna be used for political ends.
We have simply been asked to create a civil atmosphere...
No, we've been asked to create fair rules for expelling members.
If all of those members are conservative...
- They aren't all conservative. - Yes, they are.
Every example we've used is about passionate pro-lifers
intimidating poor, helpless little pro-choicers.
That's because the intimidation is coming from the right.
Well, the censorship is coming from the left!
No, I have a... could I...
Guys, guys, could I please say something?
Okay, the problem here is and always will be context, right?
I mean, we can't create one-size-fits-all rules,
so what we need is an appeal process.
Keep going.
Well, say someone harasses more than 13 times, or threatens more than twice.
They are kept from posting any more until a panel reviews their work.
Then the person is given the chance to defend him or herself.
Can we agree on that?
- Julius? - Yes.
Good. So we just kicked our problem down the road to an appeal process.
Doesn't it feel good?
Ho, ho, ho.
This is gonna be fun.
So come on in. Um, have a seat.
Sorry, they still haven't delivered my furniture.
Oh, well, that's okay.
Feels like we should have barbecue and franks here.
My dad called. Um...
He wanted to meet, alone, without a lawyer.
Okay, well, that's not necessarily anything.
My uncle Jax, he warned me that my dad would wear a wire.
Could you, um, reach up there
and hand me that pad there?
Oh, so, this just happened?
Uh, yeah, yeah, today.
My dad, he wanted to meet tonight, but I said I couldn't.
- Good girl. - Playing "Goodie" by Good Girl.
No. Stop. Ada, stop.
Sorry, it's this thing Fantasia got me.
- Ada, stop playing! - Volume up.
Go ahead, it wears itself out!
- What should I do?! - Well, I know what I want you to do,
- but you may not want to! - What?!
- I said I know what I want you to do... - No, no, no, I heard that. Um...
What do you want me to do?
Feed him false information.
Do you know who Travis Leopold is?
- No. - He's a real estate magnate
with $8 million in business at your law firm.
- I never heard of him. - Because I just made him up.
If your dad asks about your business, act worried.
He'll ask you why you're worried. You tell him you can't talk about it.
If he lets it go, he's not wearing a wire.
But if he pushes you,
tell him Adrian Boseman backdated earnings
for Mr. Leopold to help him with his taxes.
And Mr. Leopold gifted your firm
with a... bonus of $800,000.
I can't do that.
Yeah, yeah.
That's why I said you might not want to do it.
I mean, the other option is don't see your dad.
Okay, um...
Oh. Here we go.
Thank you.
Oh, uh, but if you do do it, record it.
Just turn on your iPhone and, uh...
hit "record."
Wanna have dinner with me tomorrow night?
Dinner or dinner dinner?
You'll have to explain the difference.
Dinner is fucking.
Dinner dinner is a date, then fucking.
Mm, okay. Dinner dinner.
No.
Hi, I'm Felix Staples.
My heroes are Christopher Hitchens,
Wyndham Lewis, Andrew Brietbart,
Yitzhak Rabin, and Lil' Kim.
Hello, Mr. Staples. We've been appointed to hear your appeal.
Great. Mind if I stand?
I... please do.
Who did you vote for in the last election?
- Excuse me? - Who did you vote for for president?
- I'm not gonna answer that. - Why not?
It's irrelevant.
Really? Your politics are irrelevant to this? Mm.
Mr. Boseman, you gave $8,564 to Hillary Clinton.
Diane Lockhart, you gave...
- Where'd you get that? - Public records.
$18,860 to Hillary.
Barbara Kolstad, you gave $23,000 to,
wait, let me check... hmm, want to get this right.
- Hmm. Hillary. - What about me?
What about you?
- How much money did I give to Trump? - I don't know.
1 didn't check your contribution ‘cause it doesn't fit my narrative.
Ah.
- $7,500. - Great. Write your own narrative.
Mine is that I'm a martyr to your political correctness.
- Maybe not yours. - win.
I guessed you would say "political correctness”
- within the first five minutes. - Well, that was almost funny.
You know, you're in an unfortunate position to be funny
because you're all Tom and Katie Buellers.
- Who is Tom Bueller? - They're the parents in Ferris Bueller.
Nobody likes the parents.
Everybody likes me. Right? The funny guy. The guy who doesn't care.
Good to know, Mr. Staples. Is that your appeal, that you're funny?
In part, but first I'd like to know why you banned me.
Well, let's start with your anti-Semitic postings.
Okay, let's do it.
"When I read your posts..."
sometimes I think we need a surgical holocaust.
Just kill the irritating Jews.
- Yes? - It's your appeal, not ours.
Well, I'm Jewish, circumcised.
I can show you right now.
Uh, I was arguing with another Jew who criticised Netanyahu
and wanted to paste happy face stickers on all the Palestinian faces.
So I said what I knew would hurt him.
Are you arguing that someone who's Jewish can't be anti-Semitic?
No. I'm arguing that my post was political and not anti-Semitic.
Right? I could've written "With all due respect, sir, I disagree with you."
Sure, but that wouldn't have hurt him. And I wanted to hurt him.
- Physically? - No, I wanted to make him cry.
I want to make him cry for his poor dead ancestors,
slaughtered by anti-Semites!
I understand you want to make yourself the victim here, Mr. Staples,
but you are a leader of the alt-right.
The alt-right, ma'am, hates gays, don't they?
- For the most part. - They hate gay marriage,
they're religious, they're conservative, and yet, I... do...
Damian?
I didn't want to have to...
Damian is a gay prostitute
whom I paid $50 to blow me right now.
- Okay. - Too good of a deal to pass up.
- Told you I was Jewish. - You made your point.
Who's the conservative?
Who's the homophobe, sir? Not me.
Look, I would... I'd be a heterosexual in a second, if I could be,
but I'm willing to be fellated in front of this panel
because I believe in America.
- Damien! - Okay.
- I Mine eyes have seen the glory - All right.
♪ Of the coming of the Lord
I He has trampled ev...
God, talk about a piece of work.
He's looking for publicity, he's trying to provoke us.
So... we don't engage.
We stick to his posts. See, if we debate politics we lose.
He's trying to make it about us, you see.
What do you need?
Uh, I know we have another session tomorrow, but I just...
- I want to apologise ahead of time. - For?
People on the interwebs might have nasty things to say about you guys.
- I had nothing to do with it. - Good to know.
You remind me of my mom.
She was a school teacher.
And she taught me
to love my fellow man, and if we all just hug our enemies...
peace would last 1,000 years.
- So this is rebellion? - No, this is having a laugh.
You don't smile enough, Mrs. Lockhart.
You need to get more joy out of life.
Bye, Mom.
- Marissa? - Yeah.
Check the Chummy sites for any new comments on our firm, or on us.
- Sure. What are we looking for? - Threats.
- Harassment. - No problem.
Oh, Diane?
You mean like, "Is it considered rape..."
If you rape a female lawyer?
Tell me, Ms. Lockhart, could you get me off if I raped a female lawyer?
And here's another.
Ugh, and two more. Do you want me to forward these to you?
Uh, yes, please.
Yes, I hope you get raped, but for legal purposes,
I do not intend to rape you myself.
Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...
They know to keep it under 13 posts.
- What? - The alt-righters.
They've been sending us harassing posts.
And each person has only sent 12.
- How do they know to do that? - I don't know.
The rules were discussed in private session.
Did someone leak? Jay?
I'll do what I can, but these alt-right guys,
my guess is they're not gonna want to talk to me.
What are you doing?
Mm.
I was surprised to get your text. It's been forever.
Yeah.
Do they have hummus here, or is it just chips?
What?
Uh, do they have real food here, or is it just drinks? I'm on this detox.
I mean, if you eat eight chips, that's 142 calories.
Uh, I... I don't know.
And everyone goes on about how healthy guacamole is.
What?
Hey.
- How are you doing? - Good, how are you?
Good.
Hey, man.
Oh, this is Zack.
- Hey, Zack, nice to meet you. Colin. - You too. Good grip. Pfft.
- Where do you work out? - Uh... I... nowhere.
I just, uh... it's just some weights at home.
Oh. If you want to get serious, here's my card.
- Serious? - Yeah.
Uh, thanks.
- How do you two know each other? - Oh, I'm Lucca's personal trainer.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Well, you're doing a great job.
Anyway, I should, uh, I should head out.
- Hey, have a good evening. - Yeah, you too.
He's a nice guy. What's his story?
Huh?
You seem distracted tonight.
Maia! Look who's here.
- Maia, darling. - Oh.
What's going on?
Oh, your dad was feeling blue, so last minute, I threw him a party.
- Did Dad call you? - Yeah, yesterday.
Henry, look who's here, Maia.
Oh, my God, I missed you. Ah, come on in.
I'm helping the caterers make pizzas.
Aw, thank you.
He's been missing you.
Come, come, come.
Look at you two here.
I was just saying how much I missed us, being together.
Mm. Yeah.
Bora Bora, we need to go back.
The Pauls are getting ready to leave.
- Oh, I'll get an Uber. - Yeah.
They're too drunk.
How are you, Maia?
Good.
- You seem happy, Dad. - Yeah, yeah, I guess I am.
I mean, this is the first time I've felt normal in weeks.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Oh, me too.
- Feels like when I was eight. - Mm-hmm.
And work is going well?
It is. Mm.
You seemed a little worried at dinner. Nothing wrong?
Nothing, no.
I mean, work is... work.
Yeah.
I mean, anything you want to talk about?
No.
I mean, come on, it's your dad.
You can tell me anything.
It's just...
I can never quite tell where that line is, you know?
Between the legal and the illegal.
What issue?
He asked you about work?
Yeah, but it might've just been, you know, talking.
Just... I don't know, being a dad.
I... I hate this.
I know. I'm sorry.
Did you tell him about Travis Leopold?
Yeah.
Yeah. Family's hard.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, Ada, play something nice.
Playing something nice.
I Strumming my pain with his fingers
I Singing my life with his words
I Killing me softly with his song
I Killing me softly...
Hi, do you know where Aaron is?
I'm supposed to get him some kind of message from Felix.
- Who are you? - Marissa.
Why, do you know Aaron?
- I might. Why? - Look, I don't have a lot of time.
If you see him, tell him Marissa dropped by,
and I love his "Seven doesn't equal eight” post.
Uh, s... sorry,
I just get a lot of unwanted attention. I'm Aaron.
- Seriously? Your stuff is so great. - Thanks, it's mostly my late night stuff.
What do you need?
Felix told me to get in touch with you. He wants to stay off 4chan for a while.
He said we shouldn't exceed, like, 15 threatening posts.
No, 13, stay below 13.
Someone said it was more. They know someone in Chumhum.
No, this is from the censorship panel.
Felix has their transcripts.
Good to know. See you around.
Wait a minute, what?
He has your transcripts from your deliberations.
- How? - We don't know.
Looks like someone leaked.
Who do you think?
- That would surprise me. - Yeah.
Um, what is your name again?
- Marissa. - Marissa.
Would you step outside for a second, Marissa, please?
Thank you.
Jay...
check out Julius. See if he leaked.
Sure.
What shall we talk about today?
Your posts, sir.
This is all about your posts.
- Diane. - How fitting.
Uh, Ms. Lockhart and I have a certain rapport, don't we?
Mr. Staples, please explain your posts
regarding the pro-choice activist Dahlila Mills.
Dahlila Mills. Dahlila Mills.
Dabhlila Mills...
Beautiful name. I... can't place it.
Ah! Yes, my days of rage.
Let's all do our part. Who wants to contribute
to a fund to take out Dabhlila Mills?
Tell me, Mr. Staples,
why is that not an actionable threat?
Because I'm not threatening her. I don't mean "take her out" as in "kill her."
My goodness, what kind of monster do you think I am?
I'm talking about taking her out of the debate.
How do you take someone out of a debate?
I don't know. Shout her down, embarrass her.
- Why do you need funds for that? - Why do you need funds for that dress?
Because I don't want to end up in that jacket.
Oh! I will see you in court.
Again, why do you need funds to shut someone down?
I can't think of anything funny, so I decline to reply.
Well, after you wrote that, these posts were sent to Ms. Mills.
- "We're coming to get you, be..." - sure to lock your doors,
‘cause the Second Amendment was made for people like you.
You ever see what a Glock does to cantaloupe close up?
It's hard to clean up in your shower.
The easiest thing is to just dox you.
Try using your credit card tomorrow. See what happens.
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, double-cunt, bitch...
- "...bitch, bitch." - Wow, they all sound angry.
These are the same accounts now harassing us, because you told them to.
You act like I have some secret control over people.
No, not secret.
Do you have some proof to back up this contention?
Yes.
An Aaron Fowler claimed you directly told him
to keep his harassment of this panel to under 13 posts.
Do you know, the only thing sadder than Tom and Katie Bueller
is a sputtering Ferris Bueller caught in a lie.
God, you are exactly like my mom.
- Can I read you a few posts? - Please.
We want to give you every opportunity to defend yourself.
This is to me from a pro-choice activist.
- "Go to..." - ...hell.
I hope you choke on the cocks of the southern rednecks you're blowing.
Now this is clearly a racist pro-choice activist,
because it's well known the cocks in question are black.
You can check my dating profile.
- There's more. "First they'll come..." - for my abortion rights,
then they'll come for your gay marriage, you self-hating kike.
"Kike." And there are more.
So you can see, I'm wondering why I'm being targeted
when the pro-choice side is just as ugly.
If its ugliness matches yours, it will be addressed.
We're not targeting any one side.
And yet, in your transcripts from your deliberations...
Wait a second, wait a...
- You have our transcripts? - I believe I do.
And you know that's proprietary information?
- It doesn't say so. - Chumhum could sue you for that.
No, they could sue the person who leaked it.
I'm just the citizen-journalist wanting to communicate it to the world.
Anyway, in this earlier discussion, Ms. Kolstad,
you shouted down Julius Cain
in language most indecorous.
I believe you used the word "Uncle Tom" as a verb.
He's a fucking asshole.
And he's trying to make us look hypocritical.
- He's a racist little motherfucker. - So what do we do?
Wait a minute. What is it?
Oh, my God.
When did this law firm become a circus?
Mmm.
Diane. Do you have a second?
If you have something to say, Mr. Staples,
say it in front of the whole committee, not just me.
- But I don't like them. - Because you're racist.
No. And yes, I don't like blacks as a group.
But that's beside the point.
Have you ever wondered why Neil Gross chose this firm
to be in charge of his TOS committee?
You obviously want to tell me something, so tell me.
Putting an all-black law firm in charge of his censorship committee?
Does that make sense to you?
Good-bye, Mr. Staples.
Good-bye, Diane Lockhart.
I promised to give you a progress report on your case.
So, hi, here I am.
Anyway, I leaked a fictitious story to Henry Rindell
about your firm receiving an $800,000 bribe
from a fictitious client to backdate his earnings.
Uh, w... what?
Yeah, I know. But we can use this to embarrass Kresteva.
Miss Tascioni, I'm sorry to be prosaic in my thinking,
but this doesn't seem like a baroque matter.
We didn't do anything wrong. Why are you misleading the investigator?
Good question.
And if this investigator were honest, I would say you were right.
But... and I hate to say this about any person...
Mike Kresteva tends to lie.
So what do you need from us?
If you hear about this $800,000 gift from anyone,
that means Henry Rindell is working against us,
and we might be able to use it.
- So what do I do? - Act young and sweet.
- Who are we? - Anyone we want.
God, I love this job.
I need glasses. I want to be a geologist.
This isn't a cartoon. You're a product analyst. No one asks what that is.
- Hi. Do you want a setup? - Sure.
Hi, we're just in the market for a two bedroom in the Loop,
so we saw this and we skidded to a stop, didn't we, Jay?
Oh, God, he hates when I rattle on like that.
But we love each other, so what can I say?
- Young love. It's infectious. - Isn't it? Like the plague.
Well, this is a very good starter apartment for young couples,
especially young professionals.
They're all flocking back from the suburbs
because they want to be near the restaurants and the clubs.
Sounds like us, Jay, dancing.
That's right.
- Do you work in the Loop? - Yes.
Well, I work as a product analyst, but I want to be a geologist.
Jay doesn't want me to.
- Hey, you look familiar, do I know you? - No, I don't think so.
Yeah. Where have I seen you before?
On that thing that you showed me. Um...
Oh, right. That thing involving what's his name, um...
- Felix... - Staples!
- Right. - All right. He's my boyfriend.
But our politics are very different.
- Let me show you the kitchen. - Hey, hey, hey. That's all right.
- Our politics are very different too. - Wow, so he's the alt-right guy?
Shh. I'd rather not share that here.
- He's very different in private. - I understand.
But what's he doing now?
I heard he's trying to keep from being kicked offline.
Yeah, this stupid thing. They're trying to censor him.
Oh, God, I hate that. Is he fighting them anyway?
- Yeah. - Good. Tell me how. I'm curious.
How did you get this IP address?
Uh, Staples's boyfriend. He was bragging about how Felix had insider information.
- And he wanted to sell us a condo. - He showed us the transcripts.
And we got to see the meta-data, including the IP address.
Our IP address?
- No. - Well, whose, then?
Is it Julius's home?
The offices of Chumhum.
Okay. Okay, let's shut this down.
Why?
Barbara, we have a client who may not want us digging into this stuff.
Well, what are you saying, Chumhum leaked this?
Why?
- Because we're being set up. - By whom?
All right, check and see if Felix Staples has any relationship
at all to anybody inside of Chumhum.
- It could be anybody. - I don't like this.
Slavery ended 153 years ago.
It's time for the fucking Neil Grosses to get over it.
America is being turned into a welfare state
by all these stupid Neil Grosses.
#DumbNeilGross.
Love seeing all the Neil Grosses in Ferguson,
breaking windows to steal Nikes.
- Any relationship at all, to... - Can I talk to you for a second?
One of the alt-right boys really likes me, he thinks I'm one of them.
- How do you know... - It's nothing.
They're easily confused when women offer them attention.
Anyway, he sent me a link.
They're working to get around your racist N-word ban.
How?
Whenever they mean N-word they instead type Neil Gross.
Yeah. I can print up the posts, but there are a lot.
All racist jokes with Neil Gross as the punchline.
That's not gonna go over well.
I hate games, so knock it the fuck off.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
- That guy you saw me with last night... - Oh, Magic Mike?
Yes. You know I fucked him.
I figured as much.
But you don't care.
Well, uh, you made it pretty clear that our relationship
was, well, not really a relationship.
It's not.
Okay. Let me take a shot at what I think is happening right now.
You're worried that we're getting too serious,
so you turn down a date with me,
and then you invite your boy toy to a place where I might see him,
thus ending our "relationship".
Am I right?
Problem is, now you're here, arguing with me,
which kind of proves your plan didn't work out,
and our relationship isn't over.
How'd I do?
Let's go.
- Where? - You decide.
What is this?
My place.
So, you're rich?
I guess so. Does that bother you?
I don't know.
Can we... decide whether it bothers you later?
You bastards.
Whoa, whoa.
You thought I leaked?
You searched my office.
No, we didn't know whether you leaked or...
This is about Trump. This is about politics.
Julius, this is about maintaining the integrity of this firm.
No. I was loyal to you.
- I was the most loyal employee you had. - We had to know who was leaking.
And did you investigate Diane?
Or Lucca?
Or anybody else?
You just lost your most loyal employee.
Hi, this is Julius Cain.
You were right.
I think we should talk.
What...? They're using my name?
- Yes. - I... I don't understand. How?
As a replacement for the N-word.
What...?
- What, seriously? - Yes.
- Why? - They know you can't censor it.
Oh, my God.
They're like savages.
So, what do we do?
I'm not sure there's anything you can do.
They're like kids wanting to upset Mommy and Daddy.
Here's the problem, Diane. I am upset.
- I know. - They're reacting to that damn committee.
They're working around the new rules we implemented.
This whole mess with Staples needs to end.
He's got too many followers, and they're threatening to leave my services,
so make it end.
- We've reconsidered. - "Reconsidered"?
We're prepared to overturn the ban and reinstate you.
What?
No, things were just getting interesting.
- We're done. - I'm not...
- Thank you. - No, we're not done. Diane?
Diane, I've got a number of po... I'vi e
Diane!
This is totally fucked!
I am here defending myself and what? You all slink off?
Mr. Staples. It's over. We're done.
We took the oxygen from your room. Go home.
I want you to read this new attack on me.
"Die, you cocksucker. Free speech is outmoded.
It's a law written by slave owners."
What do you want, Mr. Staples? You've been reinstated.
I don't accept your reinstatement.
You're a clown.
What's worse is you're a smart clown
who occasionally has a point,
a point you destroy by mixing it up with racism and a misogyny
you probably don't even believe.
When you were little, someone rejected you or made fun of you,
and now you get to be one of the mean guys, making fun of others.
And you get to be the principal? Outraged?
No, I just have better things to do.
Oh, really?
You think this is some grand rebellion
against progressives and social justice warriors, it's not.
You're just some kid in the corner pissing yourself,
so have at it.
You've lost, Diane.
And you're upset,
‘cause I'm the embodiment of free speech.
No.
But you are what we have to tolerate, so thank you.
Now go.
Go.
So, there were no real expulsions?
One, but it was reversed on appeal.
- That was Staples? - Mm-hmm.
And, uh, the leak of your deliberations?
That was from you.
You're saying we leaked your deliberations?
Yes.
- Why? - We were a trial balloon.
You wanted to censor your sites,
but if we failed, you could point to us as the problem:
- a liberal African-American firm. - Really?
That's why we're here, sir, to make you look good.
Okay, good. Thanks.
Um...
1, uh, I have a few issues overseas.
Do you have a minute, Adrian, Barbara?
- We do. - Good.
Do you need anything from me?
No, I think we're good. Thanks.
- What are you doing? - I need a second.
What?
You're not up for partner anytime soon, are you?
No, not that I know of.
You should, uh...
stay clear of your firm's finances.
Why?
Reddick/Boseman took an $800,000 bribe from a client.
It might be in trouble.
I don't want you to get in trouble.
The client's name is Travis Leopold.
Okay.
Thanks.